Please, Mr. Friedman, can we have some more?
- Cora, Albuquerque
Mr. Friedman, I fear that having pink hair makes me tentative to support American bombs dropping in the middle of a bloody civil war. Why don’t I care about the welfare of anyone else on this planet? Please, I need your help.
Mr. Friedman, now that the Israeli military is again committing outrageous war crimes in Gaza, including the deliberate targeting and destruction of civilian neighborhoods, and have already murdered at least 15 Palestinians, among them a pregnant women with twins, three infants, and an eleven-month-old baby boy, when can they expect to finally get a Burger King in Khan Younis?
- Tal, Dimona
Mr. Friedman, I’m not sure I like this woman. Could you recommend a good well-armed external midwife?
Mr. Friedman, I am tired of being complicit in the destruction of the planet. Can the U.S. military green my office building?
-Lila, Little Rock
Mr Friedman, now that I get all my up-to-date, in-depth, incisive analysis on Mitt Romney’s golden touch with working-class immigrant minorities from National Review editor-at-large Kathryn Jean Lopez’s Nigerian cab driver, tell me again why the hell I should keep reading your stuff?
- Mona, Amarillo
Mr. Friedman, could you recommend some rightward shifts to break up the monotony of this line dance?
Mr. Friedman, after urging the rest of the world to become like America, you decided that there were too many people “in American-sized homes, driving American-sized cars, eating American-sized Big Macs”—and that “the good lord didn’t design our little planet for this many Americans.” In an effort to ensure a more efficient use of space, could my family and I move into the closet in the hallway that leads from the third dining room to the African safari room in your house?
Mr. Friedman, I am waiting for you in the halls of Montezuma. Do you have an ETA?
-Conchita, Mexico City
Mr. Friedman, I’ve been frustrated lately that some columnists have resorted to treating Arabs as anything other than bit-players in the great saga of triumphalist Western culture and the necessity and nobility of Zionism. To tell you the truth, I’m anxious because I feel like I’m seeing my “neighborhood imploding.” I have just one simple question for you: “What Does Morsi Mean for Israel?”
- Shulamit, East Talpiot
Mr. Friedman, how long will it take for the whole world to celebrate the Fourth of July as its own Independence Day?
- Meghan, Little Rock
Mr. Friedman, will you be my Sputnik?
Mr. Friedman, what is the best remedy for head injuries sustained while crashing into the wall in the Arab mind?
Mr. Friedman, is that a sandstorm or brainstorm? Either way, will it help us kill the no. 1 man in Al-Qaeda?
Mr. Friedman, is Turkey a bridge, a gully, or an island? I am hoping to go for vacation and want to know what to pack.